Sex And ‘This’ City Too

In an era when dating sites prevail and social networks are the norm for keeping in touch I can’t help but wonder, if “Sex and the City” was still on the air, which of the popular dating sites would Samantha join? And on which social network would she, Carrie, Miranda and Charlotte stay connected, dish about romantic escapades and vent about dating dramas? Social media is changing the dating scene. How do we keep up? How can we navigate the dating world when it has become so complicated?

Dedicated exclusively to dating, relationship and marriage advice-sharing, LuvHertz.com is an interactive community, designed to connect people all over the world. LuvHertz.com allows members to discuss relationship experiences and to receive measurable and meaningful dating feedback from people who have “been there” before.

Social networking trends tell us that people are so desperate for relationship feedback and dating advice that they are, out of necessity, visiting really negative sites that rate dates superficially. The emergence of sites like HotorNot.com and CandoBetter.com which should only loosely be classified as relationship advice sites have soared in popularity. Most recently, people have even started dishing about their dates on public forums like Facebook and Twitter. A New York Times article by Douglas Quenqua discusses this phenomenon. http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/18/fashion/18facebook.html
Quenqua confirms that for couples, “score-settling on Facebook has grown commonplace.” Facebook is hardly the venue for this. It is my belief social media is not being used to its full potential when it comes to dating and relationship advice.

So how can people take advantage of this new technology, and use it constructively to help them improve their love lives? To successfully navigate the modern dating scene we need to be able to talk to other people about our experiences so we can get feedback from our modern dating peers. Who are the “experts” in the modern dating scene who can help us? I say, we all are! Love is the universal language everyone knows! But in spite of its universality, it is an irritatingly difficult subject to master.

We’ve all been in relationships and our experiences can be easily and effectively shared with others via online social networks. Up until now, social media was not being used effectively when it comes to romance. LuvHertz.com has changed that. LuvHertz.com connects people all over the world who have a collective wealth of knowledge and ‘expertise’ due to their own life experiences and by virtue of simply having been in relationships themselves. Who better to ask than people who have been in your shoes?

The return of “Sex and the City 2″ to theatres around the world last summer reminded fans of the hilariously intimate, and at times brutally honest, gossip sessions held between Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. These four women dished, advised and were always there for each other for heartbreaks and celebrations. Technology played no small role in the film, Charlotte was virtually pasted to her iPhone the entire movie. Did she have the LuvHz app? Whether we’ll admit it or not, technology plays a significant role in most of our love lives. There is no doubt that in 2011, these sophisticated ladies would have taken their dish sessions online, bringing the advice they give each other to a whole new level by adding LuvHertz.com to their Entourage.

What calamitous situation precipitated the insight that LuvHertz.com was necessary? The Toronto dating scene can be pretty brutal and it provided plenty of inspiration. There are thousands of sexy singles looking for love (or not) and it’s a competitive scene. Dating in Toronto is difficult because we live in an ADHD, instant gratification sort of society. The attitude seems to be “Why would I settle down with you when there are 10 other hot guys (or gals) knocking on my door?” Single people have so much choice (some would argue too much) and so few responsibilities. The problem is that this increase in the amount of potential mates and dates has not been followed by an increase in happiness or relationship satisfaction. Just the opposite seems to be the case.

My own experiences necessitated that I build a site to help me navigate the dating scene and my relationships. After talking to others, I realized that I wasn’t the only one in need of this “Dating Gauge”. Grab a seat and have a laugh. While it might seem like some of these stories are straight out of a bad soap opera, I assure you that these are real stories submitted to me by members who were only too happy to share and release.

LuvHertz Lingo:
Vibe = the person you are dating, in a relationship with or married to.
LuvLog = your online, interactive relationship log
LowFreq = (Low Frequency) A negative experience with your significant other that receives a score of -5 to -1 on the scale of -5 to +5.
Jolt = Any score of -4 or worse.
Entourage = Your online community of friends and people whose opinions you value when it comes to your love life.

Ashley’s Story: Vibe #1
Mr. Faithfully-Unfaithful (Mr.FU)
Pun absolutely intended

Mr. FU was a four-year relationship that should have been four months at most. This is a textbook example of how LuvHertz could have be used to prevent Ashley from wasting time and resources on a relationship that wasn’t worth the investment.

LuvLog 1: Really?

Mr. FU liked to borrow Ashley’s car when she went to work part-time in the evenings and he also liked to be 20 – 30 minutes late to pick her up when her shift was over. That’s right, he used to be late to pick her up WITH HER OWN CAR! LOL. That’s one audacious dude!

LowFreq -4 = Jolt #1

Inexpert Analysis:
Don’t doubt your instincts. A gut feeling is your body’s way of alerting you that it is sensing something that is not too right. Don’t dismiss the discomfort or make excuses to try to explain it away. Your feelings are legit and valid.

LuvLog 2: Midnight Texting

Ashley can recall a few nights of waking up because of the blue light shining in her eyes from Mr. FU’s cell phone. “Um, who are you texting?” She’d ask. “Oh, just someone from school about an assignment.” he’d scramble for an answer. Yes, that’s what people do at two in the morning. Right! Most of us would agree that this is highly suspicious behavior but Ashley neglected to act on her instincts due to her desire not be perceived as paranoid or untrusting.
LowFreq -2

Inexpert Analysis:
If the glowing blue light from your Vibe’s cell phone or laptop is waking you up at night your Vibe is scheming. Unless it is an urgent work matter, and we do mean URGENT, there is no reason to be texting or emailing in the middle of the night. Furthermore, there’s no reasonable excuse you can make to explain away your Vibe’s midnight texting/surfing habits.

LuvLog 3: It wasn’t me!

Welcome to the disaster zone. After returning home from a weekend away with the girls Ashley came home to an urgent voicemail from her roommate telling her that they had to talk. Her roommate rushed over to meet her and sat her down to explain to her that while Ashley was away she had come home to their apartment and walked in on Mr.FU doing the deed with some chick in the living room (keep in mind Mr. FU doesn’t live with them). As you can imagine Ashley was horrified. Needless to say the confrontation that followed was pretty awful. Mr. FU insisted that it never happened and that her roommate “misunderstood”. How do you misunderstand THAT? Ashley couldn’t pass on the opportunity to use a beautiful Shaggy reference, “Wait, let me guess” she said, “It wasn’t you?” LOL
LowFreq -5 = Jolt #2,
Fry Vibe!

The Resuscitation of Mr. FU:

After Ashley Fried Mr. FU he persisted to beg and plead for a full year asking her to forgive him. Ashley never thought she would ever take a cheater back, but after a year of this she started to think the dude was sincere. Even her friends (who previously wanted to kick his ass) thought she could give the dude another chance. They had a great year after getting back together. She says they were even stronger than before.
Vibe Revived

LuvLog 4: Tiger’s Mentor

After falling asleep early one evening Ashley awoke to hear whispers coming from the bathroom and she could see light shining below the closed door. Mr. FU was on the phone in her bathroom. She recalls how she tiptoed towards the bathroom undetected and pushed her ear softly against the door to hear him having phone sex with someone who clearly wasn’t her. He finished up his call by setting a date to rendezvous and bring his phone fantasies to reality. So when Mr. FU opened the door Ashley was standing right there. Composed, she asked him innocently who was on the phone. He proceeded to get defensive (Jolt 1). She asked him if she could see his phone. He said no and started to try to delete the phone number (Jolt 2). She calmly explained to him that if he deleted the number he could leave immediately and never come back. Ashley calmly asked again for the phone, holding out her hand. Calling her bluff, he passed the phone to her and she pressed redial. A girl picked up the phone. “Hello” said Ashley, “Sorry to call you so late. You don’t know me, but I am the girlfriend of the guy you were just talking to. Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?” she asked politely. The woman on the other side sounded shocked but agreed. Ashley asked her if she knew that Mr. FU had a girlfriend or if he had told her about Ashley. She said no. Ashley asked, “Given that Mr. FU has a girlfriend, was anything about your conversation inappropriate?” “Yes, absolutely” she responded. “If you were in my position would you break up with this guy”? Ashley asked. “Yes, absolutely” she responded without missing a beat. Ashley ended the conversation by thanking the woman for her time and by telling her that she could now have Mr. FU because he was officially back on the market. “No thanks, I don’t want him either.” she declared. Ashley let Mr.FU know it was game over as she directed him out of her house like an air traffic controller.
LowFreq – 5 = Jolt # 3
Fry Vibe! (again)

Inexpert Analysis:
If your Vibe cheated once and you forgave, power to you for being a strong and forgiving person, I can’t judge. But if it happens again, it’s time to cut the cheater loose. No drama necessary, no discussion warranted, just walk away, dignity in tact. This is not a baseball game, there’s no three strikes system here. Two times, you’rrrre out!

Sonia’s Story: Vibe #2
Mr. Paper Perfect (Mr. PP)
Indeed, he did have a slight Oedipal complex

Mr. PP was definitely taking a page or two from Neil Strauss’ player handbook “The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists”. Let me tell you how this guy totally did a number on Sonia. At the time she couldn’t make the forest for the trees but, as hindsight so often reveals, with time she could totally see how she had been a player’s delight.

LuvLog 1: No Friends?

Question, class: Is it a bad thing if you’ve been seeing a guy for 4 months and you haven’t met any of his friends? I got this one, the answer is “YES”. So as per the question above, this was the case for Sonia. By this point he’d met her best friends and she had not met one of his. Was he just a loner? No, he spoke to his friends on the phone, went out with them, texted them, but never included her in his plans with them or set up an opportunity for them to meet.

LowFreq -4 = Jolt #1

Inexpert Analysis:
Guys don’t introduce their friends to girls that they don’t plan on keeping around, so if you are not being introduced to his friends after two or three months, it’s not because he doesn’t have any, it’s because he doesn’t want you to meet them (Same can be said for ladies. We do it too)

LuvLog 2: Pal?

How long do you have to be dating someone before you start using the bf/gf titles? I’d say that if it’s not being used after 4 months of intense and hot n’ heavy dating, then it’s not happening. So Sonia’s out with Mr. PP on a beautiful summer day and one of his friends walking by the patio spots him. “Hey” Mr. PP greets him, “How’s it going? This is my pal Sonia”. Pal? Wow! ‘Nough said!
LowFreq -3

Inexpert Analysis:
If your Vibe introduces you as “buddy,” “pal” or “friend”, you instantly know where you stand. Consider yourself notified! You ARE the “buddy,” “pal” or “friend” not the girlfriend or boyfriend.

LuvLog 3: BBQ Aversion

If being invited to a casual BBQ at your parent’s place makes the person you’re dating feel faint, it’s a VERY bad sign. Looking back on the day she invited Mr. PP to her parent’s place for a casual summer BBQ Sonia can only laugh. It was quite the comical situation watching as he clutched for the stairway banister to slowly seat himself down on a stair to catch his breath. Clearly, when a guy has this reaction to meeting your family after four months, this is something he never planned on doing. This wasn’t meant to be a long-term thing in his mind and for your sake don’t try to make it one.

LowFreq -4 = Jolt #2

Inexpert Analysis:
If you’re not into casual dating, don’t continue participating in this kind of relationship thinking you can convince him/her you’re worth the commitment. This Vibe’s mind was made up about you and the type of relationship this was gonna be the day you met.

LuvLog 4: Volunteered Marriage Philosophy

When a guy volunteers out of the blue to tell you about his philosophy on marriage and when that philosophy is that marriage is a fruitless, inevitably disastrous institution in which he would never participate you can interpret this to mean that he does not consider you marriage material and that he does not want to and would never even consider marrying YOU. Sonia never got the memo. On a lovely summer Sunday afternoon drive through the country, this is precisely the conversation that Mr.PP initiated and monopolized. Noted!
LowFreq -3

Inexpert Analysis:
Yes, some comments are not to be taken personally, this is not one of those comments. This is not all negative though. There’s a bright side here, your Vibe is giving you the information you require to make the important decision to stop wasting your time and energy on him/her. Use it to do just that. If you are marriage minded then you need to cut your losses and move on.

LuvLog 5: Vacation Sucker Punch

“I’ve got a week’s vacation time coming up!” Mr. PP announces excitedly. Sonia couldn’t help but wonder if they would be spending this vacation time together. “I really want to go away someplace special, someplace hot and fun!” he continues! Here she is thinking he’s about to ask her to go away with him . . . “Man, I’m really looking forward to going away BY MYSELF this year!” he annunciates. Sonia had never been punched in the in the stomach before but she was confident that it would feel exactly like that. Shocked, she had no response.
LowFreq -4 = Jolt #3.
Fry Vibe!

Inexpert Analysis:
When people are in healthy, requited relationships they want to spend time together; Not every waking second of the day, mind you, but vacations and days off DO count. If your Vibe is not planning with you or if s/he doesn’t mention you when talking about the future, take the hint, you have just been given your “two weeks notice”.

Lessons Learned:
When your relationship can be described by 95% of the chapters of Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo’s “He’s Just Not That Into You” . . . (do I have to finish this sentence?). Consider the camel’s back broken!

As we all know, these types of experiences are not unique to Ashley and Sonia. Nor are they limited to the female experience. We know women can be just as ruthless and conniving as men. Many of my friends and I have had similarly frustrating and hurtful experiences. I can remember coming home in a messy rage after the latest disappointing and extremely convoluted experiences I had with a guy I had been seeing for six months and I started venting to my girls. About halfway through my tirade, I declared that we needed a system to keep ourselves in check and that could automatically “strike out” these players after a number of “foul plays” had been registered. “Three Strikes, you’re out buddy!” I blurted out. In that moment the light bulb switched on and I realized that not only was such a system possible but that I could create it. So, baseball metaphors aside (we’ve got Joltz instead of strikes) and with a bit of creativity LuvHertz.com was born.

LuvHertz.com is a hilariously entertaining venue that allows you to anonymously dish about your latest Vibes and romantic escapades. I’m pleased that the process works! What’s been so profound about the site so far is that you can start out being pretty pissed off at your Vibe and after typing about the experience, reading comments from your Entourage and sharing scores, it doesn’t seem that bad anymore. In fact it can be downright hilarious.

There’s a cathartic liberation that comes from letting go and getting things off your chest! LuvHertz.com lets you do this in a deliciously entertaining social networking venue that empowers you to evaluate your love life and rate your Vibes, all while sharing experiences with people around the world to gain perspective and insight into your own love life. Welcome to LuvHertz.com, Toronto’s own Sex And ‘This’ City Too!