Charly and the Matchmaker – Part 1:

As Toronto’s Dating Inexpert you had better believe that I was chomping at the bit to pick the brain of this matchmaker when the opportunity presented itself. Claire Ross is one of Toronto’s most successful matchmakers and she was taking the time to give me the 411 on the modern dating scene. You know from my first blog post that I’m not exactly brilliant when it comes to love – hence my need to build the first social network dedicated to relationship and dating advice-sharing – so if I could learn from an expert I was going to be attentive and take great notes, LOL. But in all seriousness, I know I’m not the only lost soul. Many people can benefit from what I learned in this conversation, so I’m sharing the wealth!

Claire Ross, founder of Gems-Connect Matchmaking, is a relatively new matchmaker in the GTA, but her record of making successful matches goes back decades. Having only launched Gems-Connect in the summer of 2010, she already has 3 marriages and over 30 matches under her belt. Let me be clear, Claire didn’t come trotting into our coffee date on a high horse, nor did she set up a pedestal upon which to preach.  She’s the first to tell you that relationships and marriage are W.O.R.K.! It’s not a fairytale and it’s certainly not the story that Hollywood’s been trying to sell us since the beginning of time. Once you’re lucky enough to find the person who is worth the work, you commit, stick with it and don’t give up.

What are the Common Pitfalls that Daters Make?

1.)  Talking about past relationships on a date is a big one. It’s a huge buzz kill, especially on the first few meetings.  No one wants to hear about your ex and it’s far too early to go unzipping all your baggage. Try to compose yourself and resist the urge to talk about negative past experiences on dates. It’s supposed to be a pleasant experience, not a therapy session. It’s OK to talk about how long you’ve been single, but don’t go into details about your previous relationships.  Leave your past in the past.

2.)  Being attracted to the same kind of person over and over. Try not to continually attract or seek out the same kind of person when you know, or should know based on experience, that this type of person is not good for you. Try something new, keep an open mind.

3.) Being Cocky and Arrogant. Humility is huge for dating. Sure, you might be ‘all that’ and the bag of chips from 1992, but please, try your best to be humble. Confidence is great, over-confident arrogance is a turnoff.

Who Should Pay the Bill on Date?  Should a Woman Always Offer?
For the first date, the man should pay. Remember guys, when it comes to a dinner and you are still trying to impress the other person, it is definitely not impressive to split the bill or have the woman pay. Claire believes the man should definitely always cover the FULL bill on the first two or three dates. “Absolutely, the man should pay” she says. But ladies should never assume that the man’s is going to pay so there’s nothing wrong with offering to help. It’s considerate and it’s a gesture that shows appreciation while recognizing that the man is not obligated to pay. If he pays, it’s because he’s a gentleman. “A man who really wants to see you again will always make sure the bill is taken care of” she says.

Look, even though we women have our own things, our own money and are independent, we still want to be with someone who wants to take care of us and to treat us well. Everyone wants to be appreciated. Women like to be treated like ladies, and men like to be acknowledged for being upstanding gentlemen. Ladies, it’s not a given that a man will pay, say “thank you”.

What’s the Best Advice You Have for Singles Out There Who are Looking for Love?

Never lower your standards. Don’t ever settle. The right person will come at the right time. Stay true to what you want and to who you are. Keep your eyes and your mind open. The man or woman of your dreams might not come in the package you expect. Dating can be really frustrating and we can fall into the trap of lowering our standards in order to be with someone. Loneliness is a valid experience and it’s not fun. But being in a bad relationship is always worse than being alone.

More to come . . . Look out for my next post.

www.gems-connect.com