Charly & The Matchmaker Part 2: Chivalry, Cohab and Finding Mr. or Mrs. Right

A Bit about Claire:

Claire is a rounded wellness expert. She began as an RMT and recognized that discomforts and injuries that people were manifesting physically too often came from discomforts and challenges they were facing in their personal lives.  She identified that when people were lacking balance of any sort, that the stress often resulted in illness or physical discomfort.  With this understanding Claire obtained her Life Coaching certification and now integrates this holistic wellness consulting into her matchmaking practice.

Claire’s 14 –year marriage is a testament to her expertise. Claire has been with her, husband, for a total of 17 years and they have been blessed with two beautiful girls.  I’m a believer that anyone who can maintain a successful relationship for a significant duration of time is an expert at his or her relationship.  Let’s be honest, some of us suck in this department, myself included.  So yes, I do want to know what she thinks.

Gems Guidelines:

1) Phone First. Claire recommends that the couple she is matching always have a phone call before going out. This way, they can gauge their comfort with each other and decide from there if they want to meet face to face.

2.) Less is More. The first “date” is short; one hour max.  After the first meeting both parties meet with Claire individually to review, get feedback and decide if they want a second, longer date. The first meeting is always casual.

No dinner, no booze. Alcohol complicates things and can obscure one’s personality.  Take it out of the equation and each person can get to know the real person sitting in front of him/her.  Be clear in mind and let the first impression be a true impression; chemically unaltered and accurate.

3.) Feedback – Keeping it Real. Claire couldn’t stress enough how important the ‘feedback’ element of the process is.  One client who was having tremendous success in his professional life was having a hard time getting it together in his personal life.   This man went to the first date and wore a baseball cap, talked about his ex-girlfriend, then talked about his ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend and finally finished up by talking about himself.  This dude had no filter and no clue what constitutes acceptable date chat.  He was shocked that his date did not want to see him again. “What did I do wrong?” he asked Claire.   She’s the objective middle-woman who is there to offer guidance and constructive criticism.  She helps her clients to become successful daters by gently encouraging them to learn from past mistakes.

I wanted to know, “Is Chivalry Dead”?

No it’s not.  Claire challenges every man who thinks its dead to take the lead and revive it.  “Men, please don’t hesitate to treat a lady well. It’s the gesture and the process of wooing a lady that is so memorable and meaningful.”  says Claire.  When it is clear that a man spent some time and energy planning something nice for a woman it makes her feels great and it really does makes a woman feel special.  It shows forethought and signals that a man cares.  Every woman (and man for that matter) wants to feel appreciated and no one wants to feel that they are being taken for granted.

Hey dudes, it’s not about money either.  It’s often the things that don’t cost anything that can be the most meaningful.  Put some thought and creativity into it gentlemen and you can show your lady how much she really means to you.  It’s one thing to say it, it’s much more powerful to show it.  It’s simple actually.  Open the car door, pull out the seat, be considerate and tell a woman that she is beautiful. Chivalry is not dead.

How Do You Feel About Living with Your Significant Other Before Marriage?

Claire is a big believer in cohabitation.  She did it herself.  She and her boyfriend, (now husband) knew they were marriage-bound and that’s why she agreed to move in with him.  She believes it is a good test ground to move in before marriage and a great way to work out the cohab kinks.  She says it allows couples to work through all the idiosyncrasies before marriage so that the couple does not have to come off the high of a wedding and honeymoon and enter into a cohabitation nightmare full of bad living habits.

Claire is not, however, suggesting that you move in with the person you’re dating to save on rent, to test the seriousness or commitment of the relationship or because you are under the mistaken impression that you can trick your boyfriend/girlfriend into committing to you if they live with you.  Only take this step once the two of you have discussed your relationship and have agreed that you are seriously committed to each other for the long term.  It’s not easy living with someone else, no matter who it is and no matter how much you love that person issues will come up.  It’s your level of commitment, determination to make it through and genuine love (with depth and substance) that will be the deciding factor of whether premarital cohab will strengthen your relationship or break it.

How to find Mr. or Ms. Right

Claire recommends that everyone who is single and searching write a wish list.  Put it on paper, or even better into your VibeSet on LuvHertz.com.  Review it and stay true to it.  Claire shared a story of her friend who went through some really tumultuous relationships and was frustrated that she couldn’t find a partner.  Claire told her to write her wish list.  Her friend recently got married to her dream man last summer and she had her list with her at the wedding.  She was marrying her perfect mate.  It took some time and Claire was there to support her and encourage her not to veer from what she wanted.  Today she’s so happy she didn’t settle.

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