Holiday Hookups. Do the Same ‘Rules’ Apply?

A LuvHz Piece By: Ed

A friend of mine recently went on a tropical vacation that got me thinking about holiday romances and hookups. I asked for her thoughts on the subject on twitter, and she threw the question back on me asking me to share my thoughts on the subject in a short post.

The more I thought about it the more I realized that my views on vacation relationships are similar to my views on relationships in general. Some people use the fleeting nature of a vacation to let loose, and dive head first into anonymous encounters with reckless abandon. And who can blame them? On vacation we are surrounded by strangers, often in beautiful and exotic locales. We are far from the negative stares and disapproving comments of friends, family, and co-workers. We drink, party all night, and if we are lucky meet many attractive singles that share our (temporarily) free-spirited mindset.

The setting is perfect, you are already in a hotel so you don’t have to apologize for your shitty apartment, or crappy car, or annoying roommates. It’s almost like the universe wants you have a one-night stand, and you can’t fight the universe. My rule has always been honesty. Now I can’t lie, if I meet someone and we are hitting it off and I’m getting all the signals I’m not going to kill the vibe by explaining that I’m not looking for something serious, but I’m also not going to talk a bunch of bullshit that overstates my intentions. I found myself in a situation like that just last year.

I re-connected with an old co-worker on Facebook and we began talking over IM, then on the phone. This was a girl I had a crush on, long story short, I asked her out, she shot me down. I was enjoying our conversations, we seemed to have similar interests and it was obvious that there was a bit of a mutual attraction. I told her that I was going home to visit for a weekend during the summer, and she got exited planning a dinner and activities for us to do when I got there. She then said she could pick me up at the airport and offered me a place to stay if I wanted it. I know that may seem innocent but some context is needed.

First the place to stay:  I was going back to a place I had lived for twenty-one years. My aunts and uncles stilled lived there, my grandmother  till lived there and my friends still lived there. I had plenty of places to stay. I hadn’t seen this girl in eight years and she was letting me stay with her. Maybe it was an innocent, friendly gesture, but I doubt it. Next there were the plans. I was in town for Caribana, I hadn’t been home in two years and hadn’t been to Caribana in seven. I had twenty-one years worth of people to see in four days and she wanted one of those days all to herself. So what did I do? Did I let her pick me up from the airport on Friday, spend the night with her, ignore her for the rest of my trip and then leave? I could have, easily. She is not in my circle of friends and she lives in another country.  It would have been easy to use her and ignore her. People do it every day and don’t think twice about it. But I couldn’t.

I’m not a saint, but I don’t like feeling shitty about myself either. I had to explain to her that it seemed like she was expecting more out of my visit than I was, and in the end I didn’t see her at all. If we had been on the same page it would have been fun to spend a night with her. I assumed our relationship was friendly and casual, she obvious thought otherwise. I know that isn’t a typical vacation scenario, but the same rules apply: treat others the way you want to be treated. We’ve all been played before and it sucks. Sex is great, but great sex is great for both people, and a great night can be ruined by a shitty morning. So enjoy your vacation, but don’t be that guy, or girl. You’re better than that aren’t you?

By: Ed, Contributor, LuvHertz Blog