Steve Harvey, author of “Think Like a Man, Act Like a Lady” and “Straight Talk, No Chaser” talks about the “90 Day Rule” as a determination of when a woman should consider sleeping with the man she is dating. He says it’s no different from probation at a new job, you’re not eligible for “benefits” until you’ve proven your worth and that you are committed. This commitment cannot be clearly ascertained until you’ve worked for at least 3 months.
Andrew Trees, author of “Decoding Love: Why it Takes Twelve Frogs to Find a Prince, and Other Revelations from the Science of Attraction”, says the biggest mistake that women make in relationships is sleeping with a guy too soon.
Claire, do you have any advice regarding the amount of time you should be dating someone before you sleep together?
Claire says it’s about valuing yourself. What is your worth? How easy is it to gain your trust and intimacy? “It’s completely unacceptable to sleep with someone on the first date if you have any intention of having a long-term relationship with this person.” she says. Andrew Trees would agree with Claire here. In his book he says “The quickest way for a woman to turn herself from a long-term prospect into a short-term hookup is to sleep with a man too soon.” Claire says she can’t put an exact time on it, but she thinks that a woman will know when the time is right. “You really want the man to know who you are as a person and not who you are in bed.” she says. How do you want to be perceived? As the girl he’s sleeping with or as the girl he respects and is in a relationship with?
Remember, guys are instinctively hunters. They do enjoy the hunt. If you give it up too early ladies, they have nothing to look forward to and can quite simply lose interest. Also, don’t fall into the trap of trying to convince yourself that sex wont change things. Things DO change when sex enters the picture. It’s an additional level of complexity and intimacy that cannot be denied. Women too often get emotionally caught up and men, far too often lose respect.
I gotta say that I agree with all the experts. If you think you have to have sex with the guy you’re dating to hold his interest, then clearly, he isn’t interested in you in the first place (or not interested in ALL of you anyway, just some parts). Seriously though, simmer down. We’re living in fast paced times. We’re driven by pleasure and by immediate gratification. It seems we’re unable to wait two seconds without growing impatient and having a meltdown. I say, good things are worth waiting for. If it comes too quickly or too easily we tend to value it less anyway.
It’s basic economics; supply and demand. It’s human nature to want what we can’t have and things that are in short supply are far more valuable economically speaking. Just think about gold, diamonds and . . . yes, sex. WAIT, it won’t kill you. Ladies if the guy sticks around long enough to really get to know you and loves YOU – meaning your personality, your character, your idiosyncrasies and your values – then you know he’s worth sleeping with. Value yourself and do yourself the favour of not liking anyone that doesn’t like you back.
Steve Harvey on the ’90-Day Rule’: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eq1ym9bph4w